Past Future Continuous

The alley is on my way home. I pass it almost every day. Sometimes I avoid the alley, as the café on it is quite popular among friends and sometimes I feel like avoiding friends. Sometimes I specifically change my way and walk by the alley, hoping to see friends and join someone’s table for a quick drink.

This for me is the settled memory and feeling of this alley, from a past that is pretty close, from just a year ago. This for me is a settled memory and feeling of this alley, from a past that is very far, from just a year ago, before the pandemic.

April / 2020

I’m passing by this alley knowing there won’t be any friends to avoid or join. I’m passing by this alley with that hint of edginess of a woman walking in an isolated alley. I’m passing by this alley with that hint of edginess knowing only people with no homes to be confined in are still on the streets.

I see the posters and I slow down: 29th of March, Concert of Hope, 14th of March, a musical by Sertab, 7th of April, a Aşkın Nur Yengi concert, 17th of May, a Suede concert…

I’m looking at a past that did not happen.
I’m looking at a future that never came.
I’m looking at a future that I know won’t come.

April / 2021

I’m passing by this alley knowing that the café is open for now, maybe for another week, who knows. I’m passing by this alley hoping to see friends and join someone’s table for a quick drink. I miss people.

Drinking my beer, I look at the same posters. The exact same ones. Still there after 12 months. A year later, not one new poster announcing a future, close or far.

12 months apart;
I’m looking at a past that did not happen.
I’m looking at a future that never came.
I’m looking at a future that I know won’t come.